Not Me! Monday

Baring our souls, with all their human flaws, for the world to see (and living to tell about it)...

Here we go!  I did NOT look forward to my sister-in-law's brief weekend visit all week long only to fall deathly ill, ending up in the E.R. all day Sunday with a bladder infection.  I did NOT spend all weekend alternating between chills and sweating, with a 103 degree fever, worrying that we would not get to finish her bridal registries as we planned--it was NOT all for naught, because we did get them finished up online at the 11th hour anyway!

I absolutely did NOT ask the doctor if I could eliminate 3 cardio workouts this week when he informed me that my resting heart rate had been 130 for an hour and a half! NOT ME!  With all of my experience with doctors, I have surely learned by now that they have NO SENSE OF HUMOR if they think you are not taking things seriously.  

When inserting my IV, blood did NOT spurt everywhere, making my ER exam room smell more like an OR and look more like a crime scene!  While cleaning up, I did NOT have to tell my poor nurse that her nose was bleeding!  She did NOT go on for the next 5 HOURS about how that was among the top two worst moments of her nursing career and that she was normally a night nurse at a different hospital!  NOPE!  Episodes like this do NOT happen to me every time I brave the ER!  

My beautiful baby boy did NOT spend all weekend in the same clothes with Gerber Puffs residue( and let's be honest: some lint, too) stuck to his chin as the result of his mother being knocked out of commission.  Someone surely would have dug out the wipees and wiped the child down (at the minimum).  I am NOT at all concerned about what else did NOT happen while I was away.  (But, seriously, thank God Annie was here.  I pray she still wants children of her own after yesterday!)

And I don't care who said they saw me, I did not show up at the E.R. Sunday morning in plaid pajama pants that had been shrunk to capri length, with a shirt and two sweatshirts (none matching, by the way), with my hair unbrushed.  I have some pride, people!  Oh--and did I mention my handsome husband accompanied me, dressed in his suit, because he and the boys were already dressed for church???  Wait a minute, it's Monday, I do NOT have to 'fess up to that!  It probably worked in my favor anyhow, getting me through sooner, because next to him, anyone would have looked near death!

Finally, I did NOT delay going to the emergency room for two days because I did NOT attempt to diagnose myself online.  And the resulting diagnosis was certainly NOT menopause!  Even if it had been, common sense would surely have prevailed at some point!  Hmm...back pain, chills, sweats, fever...DUH!

Need more free therapy?  Still feeling like you'll never be able to balance all you are responsible for?  Head on over to MckMama's and see what other skeletons moms like us have hiding in their closets!

Looking forward to a less gory Not Me! post next week,